AFTER
MISCARRIAGE
Postpartum Care for Mothers Experiencing Loss
By Allie Chee
People in the US are rediscovering the mind/body benefits of
a 30-40 day postpartum recovery period for new moms during which they rest, are
cared for, eat special foods for rejuvenation, and are supported by family and
postpartum care providers. This, of course, leaves mom better able to care for
and bond with her new baby, and to return to her old strength, if not even an
increased vitality—quickly!
In China the term for this time is called “sitting moon” (zuo yuezi in Mandarin—one month being
“one moon”), but cultures throughout Central Asia, Southeast Asia, and the Far
East have similar practices, each with their own special techniques and care
providers. This postpartum care is not considered something only for
the
wealthy or indulgent. It is considered
vital to the mother’s recovery, her long-term health, and her ability to care
well for her baby and easily produce abundant milk.
The affects of the neglect that postpartum mothers and new
babies experience in the US are obvious.
Just a glance at the statistics for postpartum depression and mothers
failing to nurse (when they wanted to) tells of the need for a new look at this
ancient practice of a “sitting moon.”
It was long ago, but this need was recognized at one time in
the US, and postpartum recovery practices were followed. In Marriage
& LOVE, published in New York in 1894, Ruth Smythers writes:
“After the
birth of the baby, the mother…should not get out of bed for ten days or two
weeks. The more care taken of her at this time, the more rapid will be her
recovery.”[1]
But today, the majority of women in the US do not receive
the postpartum care and nutrition that is considered a fundamental part of a
family’s experience around the world.
Worse, the most
neglected and forgotten mothers in our culture are those who lose their baby
preterm.
Statistics vary, but Western and Traditional Chinese
Medicine (TCM) doctors will tell you that up to 40-50% of all conceptions end
in miscarriage—many of them before a woman realizes she is pregnant, and she
simply has a “period” that is a few days late. However, the number of women who
miscarry further into their pregnancy—after the body is in full swing of its myriad,
major changes—is still enormous. In the
US the estimate for annual miscarriages is 900,000-1,000,0000.[2]
How are these women treated? How are they cared for?
Being immersed in the “birthing world”, I hear tales often
of the cold nonchalance with which these women are handled, and I’ll offer two
examples from personal experience.
·
When I had a miscarriage, not knowing what was
happening other than pain that left me unable to walk, I went to the
hospital. Very quickly, with profuse
bleeding, what was happening became apparent, yet the staff still wanted to
“check” me. After extensive probing with
an internal sonogram device, I asked the tech what she had to report to
me. She said, “I’m not allowed to say
anything.”
About an hour later as I sat
shivering and bleeding in the ER, the doctor came in and said, “You’ve had a
miscarriage.” (As I’d told them earlier, I knew that.) Then he said, “On the
way out, the girl at the front desk will give you a paper you need to
read.” And he left. Apparently recognizing the void of feeling in
the exchange, the tech then approached me, patted my arm and said, “Hopefully
we’ll see you in the L&D next time.”
The paper they provided contained
the headline, “YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED A PRETERM LOSS OF YOUR PREGNANCY” and had a
list of side-effects I should watch for, and return to the hospital if I
believed I was experiencing, as they could be fatal. And that was it.
·
A friend experienced her loss at approximately
five months. Because of her baby’s size
at that time, she actually had a full L&D experience. They allowed her to
see her baby (she had to fight for this) and because he was just a few weeks
below the cutoff age to be given to the parents for burial, he was taken away
from her and the body was disposed of according to hospital procedures. She’d known she was losing him, and had planned
in her mind a funeral on the beach and a proper burial, but she was denied
that, and sent home, again with a list of “things to watch for.” And that was it.
Though miscarriage is extremely common—a woman holding in
her hands the body of what she thought would be her lifelong love and devotion,
and saying goodbye—it is trauma.
Our treatment of mothers experiencing this loss is
unconscionable, but I believe it is—for the most part—simply a lack of
knowledge that there are intricate and loving traditions practiced around the
world to help speed postpartum moms of miscarriage to a healthy and happy
recovery (that also, according to TCM, increase the likelihood of her having a
successful pregnancy the next time she conceives).
While our “system” provides no guideline for postpartum care
for mother’s who miscarry, at least, sometimes, family and/or friends come to
care for the mother—for a day or two.
Sometimes, women don’t even receive this emotional or physical assistance.
But according to the
precepts of TCM, a postpartum mother who’s miscarried requires more attention and care than a mother
who delivered her full-term baby.
Amy Wong, an internationally acclaimed expert in this field, writes
that, “Natural delivery requires at least 30 days of rest, while Cesarean
delivery, miscarriage, and abortion require at least 40 days.”[3]
Why would a woman who’s had a miscarriage require more
support and recovery time?
·
She’s experiencing an enormous spiritual
loss—few things are harder for a mother than losing the child who has entered
her life, even if briefly.
and
·
Her body has made the enormous, taxing hormonal
and other physical shifts of pregnancy.
To experience strong shifts of mind, body, and spirit
simultaneously, and then to be left alone and expected to return to life as
usual in the next few days…many moms do “bounce back.” However, it is a formula for depression,
anxiety, and panic attacks—which, in fact, afflict many mothers who even have
the joy of holding their new baby in their arms postpartum.
I see—frequently—mothers who have miscarried and are asking
for help and guidance on social websites.
Of course the Internet and people we meet online can be
wonderful resources, but…
we can do better for these women.
For those interested in learning more about the traditional
practices used for postpartum mothers who delivered full-term or miscarried—doulas
and midwives can offer great support, and there are several books I’d recommend
as a start:
·
Sitting Moon, by Dr. Daoshing Ni and
Dr. Jessica Chen
·
The Mommy Plan, by Valerie Lynn
·
Madam Wong’s Confinement Dishes, by
Amy Wong
·
and my book, New Mother
A final thought for postpartum mothers who’ve experienced
loss:
Gratitude is powerful
medicine. It is helpful if we can focus (with enormous effort) on feeling
gratitude for having been pregnant even briefly, since so many of our dear
sisters who want to be mothers may never experience that profound blessing.
May we all grow in love and compassion through our
challenges, and experience health and joy on our journey!
ALLIE CHEE After earning a BA in literature and a 2nd degree black belt in
Korean martial arts, 20 years traveling in 50 countries, working in
numerous entrepreneurial ventures, and serving as
co-publisher of a leading financial industry magazine, Allie Chee
lives in Silicon Valley with her husband and daughter and is a student
at Stanford.
Her articles have appeared in:
• The Well Being Journal
• The Holistic Networker
• The Birthing Site
• Natural Mother Magazine
• MidwiferyToday
Her published titles are: New Mother, Free Love, & Go, Jane!
Website: www.alliechee.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/AllieChee
NEW MOTHER on Amazon
Her articles have appeared in:
• The Well Being Journal
• The Holistic Networker
• The Birthing Site
• Natural Mother Magazine
• MidwiferyToday
Her published titles are: New Mother, Free Love, & Go, Jane!
Website: www.alliechee.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/AllieChee
NEW MOTHER on Amazon
2 comments:
"Though miscarriage is extremely common—a woman holding in her hands the body of what she thought would be her lifelong love and devotion, and saying goodbye—it is trauma."
Pretty interesting idea, I agree. Moms that miscarry are often neglected. I've had five miscarriages at various points of pregnancy and every single time I felt pressure to "bounce back". I didn't receive any outside help. Not even when I lost a baby nearly halfway through the pregnancy and had two other babies at home. Other than my sister, no one I one I knew came to help. My husband was expected to return to work immediately and left the state less than a week later.
I dont think people realize how tough a miscarriage really is. I think it's important to realize that moms that lose babies need help too, often more than moms who went on to birth a healthy baby.
Wow, this article really helped me to understand what this might be like for a woman who miscarried her baby. God willing, society will change for the better and provide these women with the support they need. They need it so much. And it shows us how we need to be responsible to volunteer help to those who may need it.
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